Speechless – the New Norm

From CJ:

For those reading this that know me, you understand I’m not one to find myself speechless.  Most often, when I am amazed I tend to get a little overly excited, talk a mile a minute, and become more fidgety/active than a caffeinated squirrel.  And yet speechless is a term I have used many times throughout these past months to describe this journey.  Today was no different.

We returned to the Ocularists office this morning to find out he wanted a “do-over” on the eye.  He didn’t approve of his handiwork and ended up spending extra hours last night making a new eye. He sat across from Carter once again to strategically paint the perfect eye (I added some more photos to yesterdays post if interested.)  He said of all the countless eyes he has done, none have been so hard and so challenging as Carter’s.  It seems Carter has a rare color scheme in his eye, which fits nicely with the rare Coat’s disease that started this journey in the first place, that makes his eye glow.

Hours later Donnie Franklin finally felt good enough about his work to call it finished and sent us on our way.  I dropped off Amy and Carter at the house so I could get to the office and they could go pick up Topher from school.  Half way to work I simply had to pull the car over and sit there, speechless.  I was speechless as I thought of how this all comes back to the depravity of our broken world and how this proves our need for a Savior.  I was overwhelmed to think that, even in our depravity, He would allow us to meet Him in the middle of our trials and circumstances.  Words couldn’t express how grateful I was that He loves us and how He wants His best for our lives; even when it means we don’t understand the suffering we must endure. I was dumbfounded as I tried to understand my appreciation for the doctors and specialist He allowed our paths to cross.  I couldn’t put into words how I felt when we learned of the science behind the human eye, the intrinsic details of Retina Blastoma and Coat’s Disease, and seeing how uniquely we were designed by our Creator.  Speechless is a given when I consider the friends, family, and strangers that have loved us and prayed for us during these times.

And as I sat there songs flooded my heart and mind. Countless words of praise we have sung over the past months.  There were words of thanks I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and yet I couldn’t utter a single peep.

Oh no, You never let go, through the calm and through the storms. Lord, You never let go of me.

Never once, have we ever walked alone.  Never once, did You leave us on our own.  You are faithful, God You are faithful.

Your plans are still to prosper, You have not forgotten us; You’re with us in the fire and the flood. Faithful forever, Perfect in love; You are sovereign over us.

Christ alone; cornerstone. Weak made strong; in the Savior’s love. Through the storm, He is Lord; Lord of all.

Songs that I have listened to and sung countless times over these months.  Songs with truth that is founded in Scripture and straight from our Sovereign Lord.  I don’t know what the couple that leisurely walked by thought as I sat there, full of emotion ready to burst at the seams.  I’m sure it seemed odd but still I simply sat there.

I sat there thinking of all the details of these past 3 months and how confused we often found ourselves, only to be reminded that God knew all of this before Carter was even born, let alone before time began.  I thought of that day…   back to that day were God allowed Carter to be delivered, not only into this world, but into our family and then that October 6th afternoon when the judge legally deemed him ours.  Who knew what all we would have in front of us? God not only knew but He had the perfect plan.  He knew that through this we would have our faith tested and have to choose how we would respond – October 16th comes to mind.  He knew that this would be one of many countless ways that He would prove His sovereignty.  He knew that through this our oldest son, Topher, would realize his need to trust only in Christ as His Lord and Savior.  And praise God, He knows what the future holds for Carter and how He will continue to use this for His glory.

So maybe this brings closure to the “Journey of the Black Eye.”  Maybe this finally signifies that we have made it through this storm.  Sure there are plenty of follow up visits and more prosthetics in the future, but it seems we have reached a level of normal.  It’s a new normal, but normal none the less.  And I’m sure we will have plenty of chances to praise God publicly or maybe just sitting on the side of the road; but I have no doubt there will continue to be times where the Grace of God will leave me speechless.

The New Norm

The New Carter

Maybe you’ve been following our Journey and wondering how in the world we have survived these past three months.  Maybe you don’t understand how we could be ok with what has happened to our boy and the fact he had to lose an eye at the age of 6.  Maybe you look at Carter and think, life isn’t fair.  If at any point during this trial you’ve struggled with thoughts like these, I would love to sit down over a cup of coffee and expand on our story and share with you just how we made it.  We aren’t special people with some magical ability to weather the storm, but I know someone who is and I would love to share with you the hope that only comes from Him. cjmalott@fielder.org

Carter's original eye on day of surgery and his new eye.

Carter’s original eye on day of surgery and his new eye.


2 thoughts on “Speechless – the New Norm

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