A little book I like to turn to in times of hardship (besides God’s Word) is Streams in the Desert. I can’t tell you how many difficulties – big and small – this book has seen me through. It is composed of encouraging and convicting “devotionals” from some great theologians – like Mueller and Spurgeon. I have tried to write in the margins what we are going through so it will read as a journal some day. It is crazy to look back at it and see yellow, green and pink highlights and underlines on the same days reading but years apart.
This past week, every reading has been about not being anxious and not fretting. I will confess that before all of this with Carter, I was developing a fearfulness in my soul that was becoming gripping. Worry about my boys, my husband, the future. It would keep me up at night. I would pray for peace and rest, but it would not come. As the Lord has been gently prodding me along the past month, I have realized that peace would not come because I was living in sin.
From October 10th – Streams in the Dessert – “Do not be anxious about anything.” Philippians 4:6 – Anxiety should never be found in a believer. In spite of the magnitude, diversity and quantity of our trials, afflictions, and difficulties; anxiety should not exist under any circumstance. This is because we have a Father in heaven who is almighty, who loves his children as He loves His one and only son and whose complete joy and delight it is to continually assist them under all circumstances. – George Mueller from Life of Trust
Whoa! This stopped me in my tracks. How long have I been a believer and have quoted that scripture to myself and others? Too many to be counted. But to see it as a command – just like “Thou shalt not steal” or “Thou shalt not murder” – and to disobey. Sin. There’s no other word for anxiety in a believer. Fear can become a prison and I am thankful God has set me on a path of freedom from it.